A Nobody's Nothings
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "nana007" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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05:58 pm
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Its Been FOREVER!
Ahh life is crazy mad hectic. And I haven't been to livejournal in forever lol. So here is a quick update on things.
School is crazy- I don't want to talk about it.
Im going Sky Diving.
I have a boyfriend now YAY pickup in love life lol.
I am auditioning to become a troupe member at my belly dancing studio. Wish me luck!
I have been playing Street Fighter 4 I am trying to learn Chun Li and I suck.
That is All LOL
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03:04 pm
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I just watched these two documentaries.
One was about early porn (1900's-1950's) which was CRAZY funny. Some of it was crazy. Although the U.S's early porn industry sucked cause of blue laws and film laws the french porn was CRAZY lol. Like it was funny as hell watching this for some reason. Especially some of the early fetish porn, like some of it was still weird (like the 1940 infantilism one) and others was still gross like the golden showers porn.
Also did you know Bettie Page did early S&M flicks lol that was interesting to watch.
Another was about the history of burlesque pretty good too.
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04:16 pm
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UGH QUICK UPDATE
The winter break has passed and was pretty boring. Christmas was blah, and I didn't get drunk enough on New Years. School has started and I am already stressed. In my field production class we have a project due next week and one of my group members who is also the director is proving to be a flake which is pissing me off. Friday I fucking hit my side view mirror on a mailbox and broke the mirror, I have been scrambling around calling junk yards for the part and only one has it and they want $135 dollars for it. I have no idea how much it will cost to put the mirror on. This comes at a real bad time. I just paid my car insurance plus there was a fucking tuition increase that I had no idea about (they sent the letter after I paid and I never open mail from my school), and had to pay that off or have my classes dropped. UGH this really fucking sucks. I don't have a computer any more so I really can't go online too often.
UGH KILL ME NOW
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02:44 am
[Link] | 1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Take Belly Dancing Lessons.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did not keep my resolution and I have no plans to have one this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Theres been a few deaths but no one close to me.
5. What countries did you visit?
NONE!.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A MacBook Pro
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
This year hasn't been too exciting for me to have a date that was memorable, I guess seeing Dir en grey.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Going back to school
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not saving money
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
II was sick a lot this year.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Rock Band 2
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Dunn
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Secret
14. Where did most of your money go?
Food and Belly Dance
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Belly Dance
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Fucking Lil Wayne's LolliPop I AM OVER IT
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter
iii. richer or poorer? Richer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Clubbing
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Stressing.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it in New Orleans
21. At any point in the past year did you do something that you consider completely out of your usual character?
Yea but I don't want to say what it was.
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
No
23. How many one-night stands?
None.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Family Guy
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Noooo.
26. What was the best book you read this year?
The Shadow's by L.A Banks
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Young Jeezy
28. What did you want and get?
I didn't get what I wanted to get
29. What did you want and not get?
A MacBook Pro
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Dark Knight
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
22 I slept the whole day.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Going to Japan
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
My work uniform LOL
34. What kept you sane?
James
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Kyo from Dir en grey.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Obama getting elected.
37. Who did you miss?
My Aunt
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Ummm
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Don't let life overwhelm you
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Dunno
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01:33 pm
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These Last Few Weeks Have Been HELL!
FUCK ME! Between work, school and my health shit has been happening to me damn near everyday these past few weeks. SCHOOL is just nonstop work work test test tests everytime we think we have a break we are loaded down with something else. SERIOUSLY I have NO free time. My Classes end at 1:30 on one day and 11 on the other but I am normally stuck at school till like 8pm doing projects and homework and shit. AND all the teachers and other students are telling me if I think its hard now wait till next quarter. That quarter is dubbed by all as HELL Quarter because we have 10x as much stuff to do as we currently have to do in half the time UGH.
These warnings I keep getting have me worried about my health, as I rarely get sick because of my Sickle Cell however when I do I get REALLY sick. And 2 things that can bring on more Sickle Cell crisis are the Cold (I have to sit outside with the dogs at work in the COLD) and Stress (school is stressing me). In FACT A week ago I was in the hospital 2x IN ONE WEEK. I went to the hospital that Monday went back to the hospital on Wednesday and then THURSDAY morning I had a MAJOR Directing Project at school, and I was released from the hospital at 6:30 in the morning and had to turn around and be in class for 9 UGH.
AND FUCKING NOW I have some eye infection. I think I keep getting them from work with them dirty as dogs. My left eye is so RED, my vision is blurring and my eye won't stop watering. I can barely see. I had a test today, and unless you have a seriousl excuse then he wont let you make up missed tests. So I drove to school and I live like 30mile away from my school with one fucking eye in the rain -TOTALLY NOT SAFE OR COOL however pink eye (thats what I think I have) is not a good enough excuse to miss a test! NOT only that but I BOMBED my test, I got a C on the written portion and then because I couldn't see or concentrate I fucked up my Practical by accidently flattening my layers for my psd file I had to turn in. (we had to turn in a PSD with ALL layers and a flattened Targa- this is a PhotoShop test by the way). Which I know is going to be taken off for Heavily, I already lost my A cause of my Last Assignment. I had a 92 before the assignment and did so bad on it that It dropped my grade to a B. And this test will drop it to a C and I need a 3.0 + to keep my Financial AID.
And I have a Project due on the 3rd that I haven't even started on. Another Project Due the Monday after THAT and then my Final Exam. AND THATS THE SHIT I HAVE TO DO IN JUST ONE CLASS. UGH Don't even get me started on the other shit I have to do for my other classes.
THEN I keep getting injured at work. I got Bitten at Work on my Calf Breaking up a fucking Fight. And I think the bite (which is worse then it looks, it looks I got grazed, but I have a fucking 1cm puncture wound) is getting infected. I got scalded when a Dog jumped on me and I was carrying HOT COFFEE and it spilled all over me. I FELL and got a fucking concussion from hitting my head on that Hard as CONCRETE, I actually blacked out when I fell and they had to call an ambulance for me.
AND I HAVE TO WORK ON THANKSGIVING SO NO TURKEY FOR ME! My family is all going to New Orleans.
I have to start on this project thats DUE the Monday after Thanksgiving but the computer labs is closed on THURS/FRI and is open till 3 Wednesday. And I cant concentrate on it cause I can't SEE SHIT!
But you know what all this pain is going to be ok when I get my Job. Because even though I complain I do love what I am going to school for. BUT FOR NOW SHIT FUCKING SUCKS!
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09:14 am
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Live Report
Dir en grey at Atlanta's Center Stage. If you have ever read a live report written by me then you already know I don't really write in order of what happened during the actual show, I tend to just write what ever I remember as I go, and if you haven't read a live report I have written then now you know lol.
Ok, so I had to work that morning and coudn't really line up at the ass crack of dawn, however someone was saving me a spot and I joined up with them after I got from work around 2:30, the line was really uneventful unlike some other Dir concerts I have gone to, so lets skip to doors opening, we go in and I get a spot thats 3rd row in front of Toshiya, I could actually see pretty decent as there wasnt too many tall people in front of me and was actually content with the spot. However by the end of the opener I was pushed in front row. I'll talk more on that, the drama it caused and a mini rant later, for now I will talk about The Human Abstract who wasn't utter garbage, but I wouldn't say I liked them, however it is partly thanks to them that I got front row. Anyways they came on played for 30-35 minutes maybe 6 or 7 songs, and a few times they called for a pit and even more suprisingly got them. And I say this because most of the time the crowd is totally ignoring the opener or booing just waiting for Dir en grey, but the opener got alot of cheers and participation from the crowd. And it was that participation that got me to the front row, so thaks The Human Abstract for getting the crowd to participate and thanks crowd for moshing.
RANT TIME if you don't want to read this and get right to the Dir en grey action skip the next few Paragraphs!
Every single time the crowd would mosh I would get pushed up, and the front rows in trying to keep there spot was pushing back, which was a big mistake really. You got people pushing forward and your pushing backwards and when your pushing backwards you are making a GAP in the crowd which lets someone get pushed in that GAP, the best thing you can do in the front row is to lean forward and hold on to your spot not push back, does anyone else agree? I am not going to lie and say oh it was all the crowds fault that I was in the front, because if I saw an opportunity to move closer I did, however the majority of it was the crowd pushing on me and me just angling my body so the force would send me in the direction I wanted to go in.
Now when I got to the front row the girl in the spot and the girl next to her were not happy, and rightfully so. However once I was to the bar I would not let them move me and boy did they try. However while I am not one of those who will bite and fight to push their way to the front, Once I am on the bar I am pretty fucking immoveable, because unlike people who get there spots taken I know how to hold on to my spot. And actualy the girls comments that made me really want to stay there more than their actions, because I have bruises and shit on my back and side from them digging into me, elbowing and even punching me, and eventually I would have moved because they were really hurting me, but each fucking time one of them would say something to me it made me want to stay there even more not because they were calling me a bitch cause I would be calling me a bitch too, but because they were WHINING. When one of the girls went to the security guard whining about pushing and how they stood in line for x hours and people are pushing them, and the guard told her its a rock concert what do you expect, I wanted to stay on the bar even more.
I seriously found it hillarious and started laughing when she started whining to her boyfriend and other friends about she stood in line for x hours and got in line at x time and that if they wanted the front they should have stood in line for x hours and gotten there at x time, and that she should be able to enjoy the show without people pushing on her and her friends. When she said that I actually looked at her and asked her if this was her first concert cause It was so fucking naive what she was saying. You can not go to ANY concert not even a Dir en grey concert but ANY rock concert and expect not to get pushed seriously, that whole whining I got here early and stood in line and you shouldn't push at people cause you didn't get in early amused me and pissed me off to know end seriously. Ranting Done.
Dir en grey came on about 20 minutes after The Human Abstract, the same old roadies and Nora was setting them up and like usual idiots were screaming for the roadies and Nora. The band came on Shinya-I forget excatly what he was wearing but I remember his Shirt looking really nice. And he looked really good too. Kaoru in black jeans, black shirt looking very Kaoru ish. Toshiya looking fucking SEXY OMG his new look might not come across well in pictures but he looked GOOD in person. Had on a white T shirt, I think it might have had a design on it, black cargo pants, and some Doc Martins. His hair is growing out abit on the shaven side and was a bit like peach fuzz. I forgot what Die had on but his hair is very nice and was dark, and he looked pretty good, a bit skinny but nowhere near the pictures we saw from earlier this year. Kyo had on a emerald green track suit, that looked very nice on him under the lighting. He lost his shirt very quickly but never lost his hard on. LOL.
The setlist in no particular order and not even in full was - Sabir, Obscure (first 2 songs and the only songs beside the last I remember in order) the Fatal Believer, Repetition of Hatred, Merciless Cult, Bugaboo, the IIIrd Empire (last song), Kodou, Clever Sleazoid, Agitated Screams of Maggots, Ryoujoku no Ame, Hydra 666, Dozing Green, Glass Skin, and Conceived Sorrow, there were more songs that were new and I didn't know (since I haven't listened to the leaked album) or just forgot.
Glass Skin- while my initiial impressions of it was meh its really good live, and I think its a song that comes across better live than on recording.
Dozing Green is still meh to me even after seeing it live.
Obscure and the IIIrd Empire are always awesome no matter how many times I have seen them performed live.
It took me until the middle of the songs to recognize Merciless Cult and Kodou as the songs they were which was so odd, as I normally have instant recognition of those 2 as they were and are favorites from WTD.
Hydra 666 will never be the awesomeness that is Hydra, but it was pretty bad ass live.
Personal observations and opinions of the members.
Shinya- as I said he looked good, he played well but I really didn't spend to much time looking at him which is the norm.
Die- I really didn't glance to much over at Die, but It seemed for the most part that he was uninterested in the crowd. I wouldn't say he was in a bad mood, but he seemed really focused on himself and not the crowd while he was playing. He was moving and he was active and spinning around on stage but it seemed as if he was in a zone and that he was kind of playing for himself to himself and not for the crowd - Does that make sense to anyone? He went up to the crowd at the end of the concert but even then he didn't play with the crowd he just went to the front and played. He threw a few picks maybe 7 or 8 but he had what looked like 25 of them on his stand. He was the last person to leave the stage and it seemed as if when he was throwing the picks that it was the first time he really LOOKED at the crowd because he was taking his time looking over the crowd analyzing it before he threw each pick.
Kaoru - Was kind of boring to watch so I didn't watch him much, he just stood and played and occasionally would go up and tease the crowd but as I said he was mostly boring, he threw his picks pretty quickly and left the stage pretty fast, he did however throw all of his.
Ok now Toshiya and Kyo really made the show for as they were who I was pretty much focused on.
Toshiya- AGAIN, he looked sexy but enough about his looks. Like Die he seemed to be in a zone however unlike Die he was aware of things and of his surroundings. He was VERY active and was spinning and jumping and came up to the crowd more than anyone else. I say he was in a zone but he would come out of himself from time to time and look down at the crowd, pump his fist, his chest and make eye contact for a few moments before he went back into his zone. I think he was really feeling the crowds energy and enjoying himself up there. I have stood directly in front of every member and I definately feel like the best place to stand is in front or betwee Toshiya and Kyo because they really give you what you want. Toshiya gives lots of crowd encouragement, and while Kyo might not put so much effort into the crowd the effort he puts into his performance is amazing.
Kyo- Was ON tonight. He didn't really play with the crowd he just looked up at us in that intense Kyo way, but performance wise it was great. He did his chanting/prayer which I love so much (and it pissed me off when the crowd was screaming) and this whole weird conversation to himself that was great and put chills down my spine. Its hard to explain and you really need to see it in person, but it was as if his two sides was battling out. His demon was the low deep growling and his angel was this high pitched screaming/moaning. And it was if the two sides were fighting it out inside of him and he was just vocalizing their fight. It was amazing and really just put chills down my spine and must have put chills down everyone elses spine because the crowd was relatively quiet during this. He didn't say anything to the crowd but last song and walked off the stage immediatly after the song was over.
This kind of scares me, but for some reason I am getting the feeling that while Kyo LOVES performing and Singing that he is kind of getting tired of doing it with Dir en grey, and I pray that I am wrong but its a feeling I have had for the past few years that has been coming through to me with his music and his performances. Which really makes me sad cause I love this band so much and I don't want to see them disband. But it seems to me as if Toshiya and Die seem really into the band, Shinya and Kaoru are just going for the ride, and the Kyo is ready to do his own thing. And when that does happen I will be at the last show, Hell when It comes to that point, I might do some things that I wouldn't be proud of just so I can see the last tour in its entirety, but I honestly really don't want to think about that. However if I can't see the whole tour I will definately be at the last show before they disband no matter how much money.Also no matter what they do as long as the music is good I will follow them even if they do seperate. BUT ENOUGH SADNESS (and thoughts of me doing things for money).
Kyo had a hard on for the majority of the show, at first I thought I was imagining things but after I while I realized that I wasn't and that it was pretty impressive. AND what I found hillarious was that no one in my group wanted to admit to seeing the same thing lol. I brought it up, and was like this might be crass and I might have just been seeing things but was Kyo sporting a boner? At that point everyone started laughing and was like I saw it too I just didn't want to say anything in case I was imagining it lol, and that was a topic brought up for the rest of the night lol.
The Crowd- Was nuts there was some serious moshing and crowdsurfing, and one girl kept trying to crowd surf and launch herself to the stage and amost succeeded! I got kicked in the head by a crowdsurfer and the security guard kept asking me if I was ok, and at one point I was so focused on the band that the security guard shoved my head down (so I wouldn't get kicked again). My whole body hurts right now, and I am bruised and banged up.
If you bought a copy of the new CD before the show (not after they were not letting you go back and buy one) then you could get it signed, Kaoru and Shinya camed out and signed I said Thank You, Great Show to them Shinya smiled and said Thank You and Kauro just looked at me lol.
I didn't have alot of money so I didn't buy everything, I just bought one of the T-shirts there were 3 designs, the CD which was 15 for the regular (which I bought) 25 for the deluxe which I preordered already. So yea like WTD I will have 3 copies lol. A signed U.S copy, My Deluxe U.S copy, and my Japanese Copy that I never cancelled but really should lol.
The show as a whole was not the best show I have seen them. The Albany show with the Deftones, The Nokia Theatre, Zepp Tokyo during the 2006 winter tour (I forgot the the name) were all fucking awesome, but it was still a very good show.
Tags: dir en grey, live report, ramblings, ranting
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11:10 pm
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SWEET!
OBAMA'S GOT THIS!
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11:46 pm
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Go For It?
For the past few months or so I have been taking Bellydance classes, I really enjoy it and find it fun. Plus It was the belly dancing that gave me more confidence in myself. Well my school is having open Auditions for their amuture troop, which is a rarity. The troops are only invite only. And I was thinking of trying out for it. However I am not sure if I have the time between School and Work to join a Bellydance troupe.
I really want to though but I am already stretched thin for time with work and school.
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11:29 am
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Uroboros has leaked
and I am trying SO HARD to be a good girl and wait till I get my own copy, but those that have heard it are saying its amazing. I am just wondering how it leaked so early, some think its the U.S version cause it has both versions of Glass Skin and Dozing Green, and if thats the case then its no wonder it leaked so early, U.S record companies can't keep anything from leaking out.
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01:08 am
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Interesting
That there is a $45 charge on my debit card to Dominos pizza that was made 10/25. I don't like Domino's at all...Guess I will be calling the bank in the morning.
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09:14 pm
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I AM SICK
At the loss of my CD book.
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08:30 pm
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I AM CRYING RIGHT NOW
Because I am positive someone stole my CD BOOK out of my car. The last time I saw it was Sunday night when I was coming home from Karaoke and I changed CD's. Today it is nowhere in my car, I even cleaned out all the trash to make sure. I am seriously crying at the loss of my cd book and how much money I put into my CD collection, some of which I can't even buy anymore unless I want to pay an arm and a leg. I am trying to figure out where It could possibly have been stolen. Since Sunday the only places I have been was home, the galleria (to vote) and school. And its a really big possibility someone took it from the house, cause even though my community is gated it IS located in Downtown Atlanta.
The loss of my CD's is really hurting me right now, especially since I haven't ripped any of the new stuff to my laptop. The last time I ripped anything was in May and since then I have bought a shit ton of CD's.
I had like 80CD's in my book the only CD's I have now is my T.I Paper Trail CD, cause I had forgotten to put it back in the book, and my Namie Amuro - Best Fiction cause its in the CD player, and the new one I just bought which is what made me realize my cd book was missing when I went to put it in.
I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!
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01:05 pm
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Juggling Time
Right now I am attending school and working full time. While it has always been hard, it seems as if it has gotten even harder to do, and I find myself trying to juggle time. Even more so since my major - Television Production requires alot of lab time. The last few quarters have been mostly lectures with very little outside work required. But this quarter the outside class work is extensive. While my multicam class really doesn't require alot of outside class work maybe an hour or so a week. My Graphics and Editing classes require a ton of outside class work. IN Fact even though my classes on Mon/Wed are from 9-1:30 I often find myself at school until 7 trying to finish up work. And I actually attend the same class twice lol. See my Graphics instructor is really nice in that he will let you work on the computers during class time as long as you are quite. And a seat is available. So my class ends at 1:30 while his other class starts at 1:30 and since my seat is empty during the 1:30 class I will stay. And I get to here the lecture twice which is really good if there was something I didn't quite get the first time around.
Well this Monday we have a really big assigment due. The assigment had like 16 things we had to do, with each different thing taking as quick as 30 mins to complete to as much as 4hrs to do. I have been working on this all week and my mind has been preoccupied with getting it done that my work performance is slacking. On Tuesday while closing my coworker and I accidently left a dog outside, and we got written up. And TODAY I didnt come in at all. It was an accident as I thought that I was working today 1:30-9, which is my usual shift rarily do I work a mid or am. So I thought I had to work at 1:30, when in reality I had to work from 6:30-2. I went to school (which is like 35mins from my house) to work on my project, I left my phone in the car as there are no cell phones allowed in the computer lab.
So I left the lab at like 12.45 so I can head on to work, and I saw on my cell that my job had called. I called them back to have the manager (who was pissed rightfully so) tell me I was scheduled to work this morning. And what makes is even worse is that when I have to work I normally drop my dogs of in the morning before I go to school so I don't have to go back to the house to pick them up (I work at a doggy day care/hotel and we can bring our dogs in for daycare for free). So it makes this incident look extra bad that I came in this morning to drop my dogs off but didn't go to work. UGH.
I have never performed so poorly with my job, I have always kept track of my shifts, and have NEVER left a dog outside. NEVER did a no call no show, in fact I call in even if I thing I am going to be 5 mins late I call in. This is terrible.
And while we have had a few workers accidently work the wrong shift, and have had a few no call no shows who weren't written up and only got a warning the fact that I made 2 errors in one week is just horrible. AND the fact that I actually came to work to drop my dogs off.
UGH, This is bad. However Thursday I changed my hours so even though I would work longer shifts 11hrs instead of 7, I would work only on the weekends and not during the school week so I could focus more.
This has me so rattled I can't concentrate on my school work.
Tags: life sucks
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03:41 am
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Sickle Cell Pains
I'm used to pain, its not something I enjoy being in but its a part of my life being that I have Sickle Cell. Now compared to others who have the disease I rarely have crisis or acute chest which is good. In my childhood I was sick often I would have 1-2 major crisis requiring being admitted to a hospital, with 2-3 that could be treated at home. There was a period when for a few years where I had no crisis or few sickle cell related illness. The last major thing was when I had gallstones and that was when 16/17.
Now just because I did not have crisis does not mean I didn't suffer from pain. Its a fact of life for me. ANYTHING can cause Sickle Cell pain. Too Cold and I have sickle pain, Too Hot- sickle pain. Flying which I do often causes sickle pain, just because is also a reason for my body to have sickle pain lol. Alot of times I could ignore it, most of the time I could take just otc-motrin, other times I would have to pull the prescription 800mg motrin and that would knock it out. If that doesn't work there is always percocet which is for crisis level pain. And if that didn't work off to the hospital I go.
This year is the first time in 3 years that I have had to go to the hospital for crisis, I had to go twice actually. I wasn't admitted just an overnight. But still it broke my record which had my doctors quite impressed. However balancing school and a fulltime job is wearing me out. Mentally, Physically and Health Wise. I come home from work exhausted and in pain. I have to take 1 or 2 800mg motrins practically everynight. Ibuprofen is safe but I really doubt its safe the way I have been taking it. At this rate stroke and GI problems are in my future. Whats worse is that I have been having to use my percocet alot more often. Normally a prescription of 30 pills (depending on the pain I can take 1 or 2 pills) would last me 6 months. Recently in 6 months I have had to refill 3x. Now its not to the point where my doctor would be looking at me questionly but its not normal FOR ME. last week alone I have had to use percocet 2X- and not just 1 pill either but 2.
Now at a doctor appointment I had recently I told them my issues and they told me that it was actually normal for some Sickle Cell patients to not get sick for years only to have it come back worse. The older I get the more complications too. Sickle Cell can cause AVN, Stroke, Blindness and many other problems. Take a look at the issues that many in my family suffer from, High Blood Pressure, Diabetes and several have Cancer, and Lupus and I feel as If my lifespan will not be very long.
They asked me if I wanted to try this drug Hydroxyurea (info taken from mayoclinic) This prescription drug, normally used to treat cancer, may be helpful for adults with severe disease. When taken daily, it reduces the frequency of painful crises and may reduce the need for blood transfusions. It seems to work by stimulating production of fetal hemoglobin — a type of hemoglobin found in newborns that helps prevent the formation of sickle cells. There is some concern about the possibility that long-term use of this drug may cause tumors or leukemia in certain people. Your doctor can help you determine if this drug may be beneficial for you.
It seems tempting but the fact that this treatment is too NEW, while it was established as a treatment in the mid 90's. Sickle Cell Clinics really didn't start promoting it until the recently. That and its a treatment that needs constant monitoring. Everyweek for the first 3 months you need to go to the clinic to have bloodwork drawn so the dosage can be perfected. Too little and your red blood cell count falls, Too much and your white blood cell count falls. AND even at the correct dosage there is a chance of Bone Marrow Depression so you still have to go to the doctor monthy for a blood count. And this helps you how? SURE you don't feel pain as often but then your open to infection like WHOA.
I told my doctor no thanks. Not just because of the side effects but because I don't have anyroom in my schedule. When I am not at work, I am in school and when I am not in school I am at work. And many days I am doing BOTH. He then told me maybe I should try to do less as maybe I am overexerting myself. However I am finally on the right track concerning school. And I can't work less hours at work because health insurance is only offered to full time workers. I drop my hours down anymore (I am working the bare minimum to be considered fulltime) and I won't have health insurance. Then where would I be. Your a great doctor and all but I know you won't take my ass with no insurance.
Edit: Sorry this post is long and probally doesn't make sense. I actually wrote it to take my mind off of the pain I am in currently, I took a motrin 800 maybe 4 hrs ago and then took another 200mgs of motrin to make it 1000mg. But that hasn't worked and I can't sleep and I refuse to start my week off in lala land drugged up on percocet. I am currently trying hot compresses and drinking tons of water. (In the past few hours I've drank like 2liters worth of water) but I still feel pain.
My normal medicine routine is- and this was actually how I was taught by my doctor how to self regulate pain. OTC motrin if mild but not ignorable. Prescription if moderate, if that doesn't work then I will ad another 200mg pill. (I give it 1-2hrs to kick in) after another 2hrs I tend to take a percocet (. When I have to take a percoet I need to take a benedryl because otherwise I will be scratching like a junkie. The percocets are 6hr release and kick in pretty fast. The benedryl, motrin, percocet combo knocks me out for a few hours. Usually one percocet does the job, but if needed 2 hrs later I can take another pill. And if that doesn't work it to the hospital (my hospital actually has an emergency room JUST for Sickle Cell patients) where I am given a toradol/morphine combo through IV. After the appropriate amount of time you are given another shot of morphine, and then when its safe to do so another toradol/morphine combo. Then if you are still in severe pain you are admitted.
Alternate non medication things you can try is drinking water as being well watered can prevent sickle cell pain while dehydration is often a cause of sickle pain. Meditating, and hot compresses. Which all work but only when the pain is moderate.
Edit AGAIN: I think the distraction therapy is working. And also if your wondering how you can be on daily opiate use and not be addicted read this http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/432395_4. I am now going to turn off the computer and try to sleep. Good Night/Morning LOL
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02:26 am
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Was I Wrong? Or Is It His Guilt?
I didn't do anything for my birthday. I didn't want to do anything except sleep. I had invites to go to dinner and to the club with my friends but I declined as It was my off day and I just wanted to sleep, so I did exactly that and talked to my family/friends on the phone. Now when I was talking to my mom, and I told her I had no plans for my bday she took that as me being depressed/lonely (I was slightly depressed yes, but lonely no I purposely kept myself alone) and she thought I needed some cheering up.
So fast forward to today, I got a phone call from a good friend of my moms and he said he heard I was depressed and needed some cheering up and wanted to take me out to dinner. I accepted because he called me when I was hungry lol and because he was someone I hadn't seen in a long time. Now he has known my mom for 20 years and I have known him since I was a child, he often helped my mom when she was and need time and time again. Also he owns a auto body shop and I could ALWAYS call him when I had trouble with my car and he would help me out and even take me to places that could do the work for cheap, so I know him and trust him too.
He is also an acquaintence of my dad. The both love Motorcycles and go to various biker weekends together. So during dinner he asks me how my dad was doing that he hadn't heard from him in a while and that he had lost my dad's number when he broke his phone. So I give him my dad's number. Well he must have called my dad and also told him he had dinner with me cause about an hour ago, my dad calls me and is really nastily questioning me about the dinner, why I met him, What did I tell my mom that I was so down in the dumps that she has to get her friend to cheer me up-My dad's exact words. That he felt it was innapropriate, and maybe if he had said this to me in a nicer tone I wouldn't have gotten upset, but his tone was really nasty and he was questioning me really nasty about what I thought was a simple dinner.
I was really upset about this and I call my mom crying about my dad, and she tells me its probally nothing I did that he just has a guilty conscience because of what he is doing.
Now the reason my dad would have a guilty conscience is because my dad is fucking a bitch MY AGE, and according to my stepmom, he has been messing with her since she was 17 (My stepmom just found out about this and is divorcing him as she should). So my mom tells me the reason he called me with that bullshit, is because he knows what he is doing is wrong and that the idea of some guy old enough to be my dad messing with me makes him sick inside.
I hang up with her and she then goes calling my dad railing at him, telling him that just because he is doing wrong doesn't mean everyone has bad intentions. And then my dad calls ME thinking that I called my mom and was saying that he was saying all this stuff because of whatever (even though he knows I know about his sideline chick he never mentions her to me) and that it had nothing to do with that, that he simply thinks that me going to dinner with my mothers friend is innapropriate. Now at this point I get pissed that he is railing at me, cause I never mentioned to my mom that I think he is calling me with this bullshit because I think he is feeling guitly, in fact I never even thought of that until she mentioned it. I called her because he said something that upset me and I wanted her to comfort me, So I get mad at him an tell him that, then I tell him that I am done with this conversation, that I love him and that I am going to sleep and then I hung up.
So about 10 minutes later he text's me saying he is sorry he upset me, but that he still doesn't feel that what I did was appropriate.
Now do you think he called me because he really did feel that its innapropriate that I went to dinner with a friend of the family because he is my moms friend not mine-his words, or because he thought the worst because of his guilty conscience.
And do you think its innapropriate to go to dinner with a family friend even if the person they are friends with isn't present?
Current Mood:  pissed off
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04:01 am
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Guilty Feelings
I feel a bit guilty about something I just did. My school I am attending is pretty cheap seeing as its a technical college. Even paying out of state tuition my tuition is 1k or less. However when I would tell my dad how much was due I would tell him it was a bit more than what it was, for my books and also a bit of spending money. And normally I don't feel bad about this.
HOWEVER my tuition's due on the 17th (today) while my birthday was the 15th. And while I was expecting him to send me some cash on my B-Day I wasnt expecting him to send me $2k. PLUS my "tuition" which I told him was 2,300 when in reality it was $952. And I feel really guilty seeing as he probally needs the money right now.
He lives in Houston which as we all know was hit by Ike. And while our house didn't get hit pretty bad there was some minimal damage to the house, a few leaks in the roof, a broken window and the gate for the backyard flew off, the pool got ruined. Most of this the insurance will probally cover. BUT he has an Aunt who lives in Houma, which was hit really bad by Gustav and I know he said he was sending her some money so she could stay in a hotel for a few weeks as her house was damaged alot. And I feel as if that $1300 could have gone to my Aunt who REALLY needs it.
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12:44 pm
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Cancels CD Japan Order
So Dir en grey is getting a bit smarter and releasing not just the regular album in the U.S but the deluxe (or at least a U.S version of the deluxe versions) versions. For significantly cheaper prices than just importing it. However there is some debate on if the versions contain the exact same thing. Some say the Japanese Bonus CD's and DVDs are different. Personally I don't care. Because its going to be leaked on the internet within an hour of it being released so even if they are different I will just download the differences. And then I have possible the same stuff as the Japanese Versions plus more for less. Plus the U.S Deluxe Limited throws in a T-Shirt and Its only $52.99+shipping versus the $120+shipping of the other version.
Hopefully this will help their sales as I know one big problem is that many fans who buy the Japanese version because they have extras not included in the U.S version, and then even if its just $10 they don't want to buy the U.S version because there is nothing new on it, AND also because the U.S version comes out at a later time.
So now the U.S is released 1 day earlier than the Japanese Version but probally only because Tuesday is our new release day while Wednesdays is the Japanese new release date.
And while I am paying maybe $10 more to get the U.S Deluxe than I was to have the Japanese Limited Edition, I'm still not paying 120 for the Japanese Deluxe.
My only hope thing is I hope the packaging for the Versions are the same.
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12:43 am
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Hold Me
The version of ASOM on Glass Skin is the scariest thing ever! Its really really bad. WHY?
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12:32 am
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Disturbed
The Zedd trolls that attack Missy went and found a comment I made in a comm A LONG time ago and posted it to it. The user who did it was deleted but still, I am very disturbed by this.
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10:58 am
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Its a shame I have to do this
I never wanted to Friends Only my LJ because for the most part I post nothing I would consider private. But recently some troll has been fucking with me for no reason at all, except that I am Missy's friend, so I guess it makes me fair game.
So while I won't lock my friends list, for now on only comments from people on my friends list will be allowed. The exception will be live reports.
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