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A Nobody's Nothings Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Nana007" journal:

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August 4th, 2010
02:38 am

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A Rant Caused By Pain and My Frustrations with Sickle Cell
Its been forever in a year since I posted to LJ Facebook has become my social network of choice. I refuse to get a twitter. I post this hear because if I post this on my FB I'll get too many got damn "Are You Okay? It will be alright." messages. And I really hate their fake sympathy because you will never understand what I go through or feel on a daily basis.  I hate this genetic curse called Sickle Cell. Never do I wish that I wasn't born but I do wish it would be without this disease.

As I type this I'm feeling very intense pain across my body. In my back, In my legs, my arms. I'm trying to ignore it but the pain just doesn't want to be ignored. I however really don't want to spend another day at Grady. I have nothing to take that could help ease this pain as I haven't been to the doctor to get my prescription refilled in two months. I hate those drugs anyways. My doctors are constantly pushing this treatment that JUST DOESNT WORK. When I tell them I feel like the drug makes me sicker they just say thats because you have to stick with it. Give it time if you keep starting and stopping treatment it will never work. The only reason I keep starting and stopping treatment is cause your pills make me SICK but when I dont take them I have to hear the Dr's harping about the treatment and how it will help.

I'm tired of the nurses and doctors in the Acute Care center fussing about me missing Dr. Appointments they say maybe you wouldn't keep getting sick if you kept your Dr appointments. I don't have insurance lady I cant afford to go to the doctor monthly or afford your pills that cost $60 a bottle that simply DON'T WORK. I love and hat the Acute Care center because I don't have to go to the emergency and get treated like shit from Doctors that don't know shit about Sickle Cell. I hate however the procedure of 1,2,3 go. Yes nurse I understand that your only allowed to give me 3 shots of morphine one shot every 3.5 hrs, but I'm still in pain and no sending me home with a prescription of percocets isn't going to help.

I hate opiates I really do. The itchyness, the nausea, the complete dumbing down of the mind and having my body feel as if its not in my own control just really really sucks. However its the only thing that can ease the pain of a Sickle Cell crisis. I also hate dumb doctors and nurses who treat me like a drug addict because of this. I'm not a drug addict just a person in VERY INTENSE PAIN I'm pretty sure if I was white and suffering from MS It wouldn't be a goddamn problem. I hate the pain that is consuming me now that has me typing this long as rant that most likely makes no sense. I'm just typing as I'm thinking it trying to focus off of the pain I am experiencing right now.

I have veins that are hard very hard to find for most nurses. Its the rare nurse who can successfully draw blood or I.V me on the first stick. As a result of having to be stuck multiple times to I.V I'm noticing needle marks in commonly stuck areas on my arms and wrist. It isn't that many that I'm worried about looking like a I.V Drug user but I am worried that this is a sign of my veins collapsing. I feel as if on my current route a port is in my future. I so don't want that. Is there anyway beside drinking alot of water to revitalize your veins or something? There has to be.

I hate that I'm seriously thinking about going to Grady right now. The pain is so intense however I really don't want to spend the next 14 hrs in an hospital. But the pain is really becoming to much. I hate that as I get older I seem to be getting sicker and sicker. I used to not have daily pain. I used to not have to take pain medication everyday just to get through the day. I used to be able to go out drinking, and not worry about possible triggering a Sickle Cell crisis. I hate the fact that anything can make me go into crisis. To hot...crisis; to cold...crisis; stressed...crisis.

AAAAAAAAARGHGLJGLH LKJ FLJ DL I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN RIGHT NOW!

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July 27th, 2010
11:16 pm

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Dir en grey, MUCC, DespairsRay T-Shirts Dir en grey DVD's and more.

I'm selling some old Dir en grey T-shirts as well as some other merch for extra money. All prices include shipping in the U.S.

Sorry for the crappy quality of pics my cam and the lighting really sucked.

All T-Shirts are $14 except for the autographed Taste of Chaos Shirt.  Most shirts are Mediums a few are large. If you want to know what size a particular shirt is ask although some don't have size tags on them. Paypal only.

Whats for Sale?Collapse )

Thanks for looking.

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November 4th, 2009
10:08 pm

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So Cats Can Get Swine Flu
Hey Missy I read this article and randomly thought of you.

www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSTRE5A33ZG20091104

I know you have alot of cats so I thought this would be interesting to you.



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April 15th, 2009
05:58 pm

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Its Been FOREVER!
Ahh life is crazy mad hectic. And I haven't been to livejournal in forever lol.  So here is a quick update on things.

School is crazy- I don't want to talk about it.

Im going Sky Diving.

I have a boyfriend now YAY pickup in love life lol.

I am auditioning to become a troupe member at my belly dancing studio. Wish me luck!

I have been playing Street Fighter 4 I am trying to learn Chun Li and I suck.

That is All LOL

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February 8th, 2009
03:04 pm

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I just watched these two documentaries.
One was about early porn (1900's-1950's) which was CRAZY funny.  Some of it was crazy.  Although the U.S's early porn industry sucked cause of blue laws and film laws the french porn was CRAZY lol. Like it was funny as hell watching this for some reason. Especially some of the early fetish porn, like some of it was still weird (like the 1940 infantilism one) and others was still gross like the golden showers porn.

Also did you know Bettie Page did early S&M flicks lol that was interesting to watch.

Another was about the history of burlesque pretty good too.

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January 12th, 2009
04:16 pm

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UGH QUICK UPDATE
The winter break has passed and was pretty boring.  Christmas was blah, and I didn't get drunk enough on New Years.  School has started and I am already stressed.  In my field production class we have a project due next week and one of my group members who is also the director is proving to be a flake which is pissing me off.  Friday I fucking hit my side view mirror on a mailbox and broke the mirror, I have been scrambling around calling junk yards for the part and only one has it and they want $135 dollars for it.  I have no idea how much it will cost to put the mirror on.  This comes at a real bad time.  I just paid my car insurance plus there was a fucking tuition increase that I had no idea about (they sent the letter after I paid and I never open mail from my school), and had to pay that off or have my classes dropped. UGH this really fucking sucks. I don't have a computer any more so I really can't go online too often. 


UGH KILL ME NOW

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December 31st, 2008
02:44 am

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1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Take Belly Dancing Lessons.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did not keep my resolution and I have no plans to have one this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Theres been a few deaths but no one close to me.

5. What countries did you visit?
NONE!.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A MacBook Pro

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
This year hasn't been too exciting for me to have a date that was memorable, I guess seeing Dir en grey.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Going back to school

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not saving money

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
II was sick a lot this year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Rock Band 2

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Dunn

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Secret

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food and Belly Dance

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Belly Dance

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Fucking Lil Wayne's LolliPop I AM OVER IT

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier.

ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter

iii. richer or poorer? Richer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Clubbing

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Stressing.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it in New Orleans

21. At any point in the past year did you do something that you consider completely out of your usual character?
Yea but I don't want to say what it was.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
No

23. How many one-night stands?
None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Family Guy


25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Noooo.

26. What was the best book you read this year?
The Shadow's by L.A Banks

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Young Jeezy

28. What did you want and get?
I didn't get what I wanted to get

29. What did you want and not get?
A MacBook Pro

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Dark Knight

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
22 I slept the whole day.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Going to Japan

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
My work uniform LOL

34. What kept you sane?
James

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Kyo from Dir en grey.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Obama getting elected.

37. Who did you miss?
My Aunt

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Ummm

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Don't let life overwhelm you

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Dunno

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November 24th, 2008
01:33 pm

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These Last Few Weeks Have Been HELL!
FUCK ME! Between work, school and my health shit has been happening to me damn near everyday these past few weeks.  SCHOOL is just nonstop work work test test tests everytime we think we have a break we are loaded down with something else.  SERIOUSLY I have NO free time.  My Classes end at 1:30 on one day and 11  on the other but I am normally stuck at school till like 8pm doing projects and homework and shit. AND all the teachers and other students are telling me if I think its hard now wait till next quarter.  That quarter is dubbed by all as HELL Quarter because we have 10x as much stuff to do as we currently have to do in half the time UGH.

These warnings I keep getting have me worried about my health, as I rarely get sick because of my Sickle Cell however when I do I get REALLY sick.  And 2 things that can bring on more Sickle Cell crisis are the Cold (I have to sit outside with the dogs at work in the COLD) and Stress (school is stressing me).  In FACT A week ago I was in the hospital 2x IN ONE WEEK.  I went to the hospital that Monday went back to the hospital on Wednesday and then THURSDAY morning I had a MAJOR Directing Project at school, and I was released from the hospital at 6:30 in the morning and had to turn around and be in class for 9 UGH.  

AND FUCKING NOW I have some eye infection. I think I keep getting them from work with them dirty as dogs.  My left eye is so RED, my vision is blurring and my eye won't stop watering.  I can barely see. I had a test today, and unless you have a seriousl excuse then he wont let you make up missed tests. So I drove to school and I live like 30mile away from my school with one fucking eye in the rain -TOTALLY NOT SAFE OR COOL however pink eye (thats what I think I have) is not a good enough excuse to miss a test!  NOT only that but I BOMBED my test, I got a C on the written portion and then because I couldn't see or concentrate I fucked up my Practical by accidently flattening my layers for my psd file I had to turn in. (we had to turn in a PSD with ALL layers and a flattened Targa- this is a PhotoShop test by the way).  Which I know is going to be taken off for Heavily, I already lost my A cause of my Last Assignment.  I had a 92 before the assignment and did so bad on it that It dropped my grade to a B.  And this test will drop it to a C and I need a 3.0 + to keep my Financial AID.

And I have a Project due on the 3rd that I haven't even started on.  Another Project Due the Monday after THAT and then my Final Exam. AND THATS THE SHIT I HAVE TO DO IN JUST ONE CLASS.  UGH Don't even get me started on the other shit I have to do for my other classes.

THEN I keep getting injured at work.  I got Bitten at Work on my Calf Breaking up a fucking Fight. And I think the bite (which is worse then it looks, it looks I got grazed, but I have a fucking 1cm puncture wound) is getting infected. I got scalded when a Dog jumped on me and I was carrying HOT COFFEE and it spilled all over me.  I FELL and got a fucking concussion from hitting my head on that Hard as CONCRETE, I actually blacked out when I fell and they had to call an ambulance for me.

AND I HAVE TO WORK ON THANKSGIVING SO NO TURKEY FOR ME! My family is all going to New Orleans.

I have to start on this project thats DUE the Monday after Thanksgiving but the computer labs is closed on THURS/FRI and is open till 3 Wednesday.  And I cant concentrate on it cause I can't SEE SHIT!

But you know what all this pain is going to be ok when I get my Job.  Because even though I complain I do  love what I am going to school for. BUT FOR NOW SHIT FUCKING SUCKS!

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November 9th, 2008
09:14 am

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Live Report
Dir en grey at Atlanta's Center Stage.  If you have ever read a live report written by me then you already know I don't really write in order of what happened during the actual show, I tend to just write what ever I remember as I go, and if you haven't read a live report I have written then now you  know lol.


Ok, so I had to work that morning and coudn't really line up at the ass crack of dawn, however someone was saving me a spot and I joined up with them after I got from work around 2:30, the line was really uneventful unlike some other Dir concerts I have gone to, so lets skip to doors opening, we go in and I get a spot thats 3rd row in front of Toshiya, I could actually see pretty decent as there wasnt too many tall people in front of me and was actually content with the spot.  However by the end of the opener I was pushed in front row.  I'll talk more on that, the drama it caused and a mini rant later, for now I will talk about The Human Abstract who wasn't utter garbage, but I wouldn't say I liked them, however it is partly thanks to them that I got front row.  Anyways they came on played for 30-35 minutes maybe 6 or 7 songs, and a few times they called for a pit and even more suprisingly got them.  And I say this because most of the time the crowd is totally ignoring the opener or booing just waiting for Dir en grey, but the opener got alot of cheers and participation from the crowd. And it was that participation that got me to the front row, so thaks The Human Abstract for getting the crowd to participate and thanks crowd for moshing.

RANT TIME if you don't want to read this and get right to the Dir en grey action skip the next few Paragraphs!

Every single time the crowd would mosh I would get pushed up, and the front rows in trying to keep there spot was pushing back, which was a big mistake really. You got people pushing forward and your pushing backwards and when your pushing backwards you are making a GAP in the crowd which lets someone get pushed in that GAP, the best thing you can do in the front row is to lean forward and hold on to your spot not push back, does anyone else agree?  I am not going to lie and say oh it was all the crowds fault that I was in the front, because if I saw an opportunity to move closer I did, however the majority of it was the crowd pushing on me and me just angling my body so the force would send me in the direction I wanted to go in.

Now when I got to the front row the girl in the spot and the girl next to her were not happy, and rightfully so.  However once I was to the bar I would not let them move me and boy did they try. However while  I am not one of those who will bite and fight to push their way to the front, Once I am on the bar I am pretty fucking immoveable, because unlike people who get there spots taken I know how to hold on to my spot.  And actualy the girls comments that made me really want to stay there more than their actions, because I have bruises and shit on my back and side from them digging into me, elbowing and even punching me, and eventually I would have moved because they were really hurting me, but each fucking time one of them would say something to me it made me  want to stay there even more not because they were calling me a bitch cause I would be calling me a bitch too, but because they were WHINING.  When one of the girls went to the security guard whining about pushing and how they stood in line for x hours and people are pushing them, and the guard told her its a rock concert what do you expect, I wanted to stay on the bar even more.

I seriously found it hillarious and started laughing when she started whining to her boyfriend and other friends about she stood in line for x hours and got in line at x time and that if they wanted the front they should have stood in line for x hours and gotten there at x time, and that she should be able to enjoy the show without people pushing on her and her friends.  When she said that I actually looked at her and asked her if this was her first concert cause It was so fucking naive what she was saying.  You can not go to ANY concert not even a Dir en grey concert but ANY rock concert and expect not to get pushed seriously, that whole whining I got here early and stood in line and you shouldn't push at people cause you didn't get in early amused me and pissed me off to know end seriously. Ranting Done.


Dir en grey
came on about 20 minutes after The Human Abstract, the same old roadies and Nora was setting them up and like usual idiots were screaming for the roadies and Nora.  The band came on Shinya-I forget excatly what he was wearing but I remember his Shirt looking really nice.  And he looked really good too.  Kaoru in black jeans, black shirt looking very Kaoru ish.  Toshiya looking fucking SEXY OMG his new look might not come across well in pictures but he looked GOOD in person. Had on a white T shirt, I think it might have had a design on it, black cargo pants, and some Doc Martins. His hair is growing out abit on the shaven side and was a bit like peach fuzz.   I forgot what Die had on but his hair is very nice and was dark, and he looked pretty good, a bit skinny but nowhere near the pictures we saw from earlier this year.  Kyo had on a emerald green track suit, that looked very nice on him under the lighting.  He lost his shirt very quickly but never lost his hard on. LOL.

The setlist in no particular order and not even in full was - Sabir, Obscure (first 2 songs and the only songs beside the last I remember in order) the Fatal Believer, Repetition of Hatred, Merciless Cult, Bugaboo, the IIIrd Empire (last song), Kodou, Clever Sleazoid, Agitated Screams of Maggots, Ryoujoku no Ame, Hydra 666, Dozing Green, Glass Skin, and Conceived Sorrow, there were more songs that were new and I didn't know (since I haven't listened to the leaked album) or just forgot.

Glass Skin- while my initiial impressions of it was meh its really good live, and I think its a song that comes across better live than on recording. 

Dozing Green is still meh to me even after seeing it live.

Obscure and the IIIrd Empire are always awesome no matter how many times I have seen them performed live.

It took me until the middle of the songs to recognize Merciless Cult and Kodou as the songs they were which was so odd, as I normally have instant recognition of those 2 as they were and are favorites from WTD.

Hydra 666 will never be the awesomeness that is Hydra, but it was pretty bad ass live.

Personal observations and opinions of the members.

Shinya- as I said he looked good, he played well but I really didn't spend to much time looking at him which is the norm.

Die- I really didn't glance to much over at Die, but It seemed for the most part that he was uninterested in the crowd.  I wouldn't say he was in a bad mood, but he seemed really focused on himself and not the crowd while he was playing.  He was moving and he was active and spinning around on stage but it seemed as if he was in a zone and that he was kind of playing for himself to himself and not for the crowd - Does that make sense to anyone? He went up to the crowd at the end of the concert but even then he didn't play with the crowd he just went to the front and played.  He threw a few picks maybe 7 or 8 but he had what looked like 25 of them on his stand. He was the last person to leave the stage and it seemed as if when he was throwing the picks that it was the first time he really LOOKED at the crowd because he was taking his time looking over the crowd analyzing it before he threw each pick.

Kaoru - Was kind of boring to watch so I didn't watch him much, he just stood and played and occasionally would go up and tease the crowd but as I said he was mostly boring, he threw his picks pretty quickly and left the stage pretty fast, he did however throw all of his.

Ok now Toshiya and Kyo really made the show for as they were who I was pretty much focused on.

Toshiya- AGAIN, he looked sexy but enough about his looks.  Like Die he seemed to be in a zone however unlike Die he was aware of things and of his surroundings. He was VERY active and was spinning and jumping and came up to the crowd more than anyone else.  I say he was in a zone but he would come out of himself from time to time and look down at the crowd, pump his fist, his chest and make eye contact for a few moments before he went back into his zone.  I think he was really feeling the crowds energy and enjoying himself up there.  I have stood directly in front of every member and I definately feel like the best place to stand is in front or betwee Toshiya and Kyo because they really give you what you want.  Toshiya gives lots of crowd encouragement, and while Kyo might not put so much effort into the crowd the effort he puts into his performance is amazing.

Kyo- Was ON tonight.  He didn't really play with the crowd he just looked up at us in that intense Kyo way, but performance wise it was great.  He did his chanting/prayer which I love so much (and it pissed me off when the crowd was screaming) and this whole weird conversation to himself that was great and put chills down my spine.  Its hard to explain and you really need to see it in person, but it was as if his two sides was battling out.  His demon was the low deep growling and his angel was this high pitched screaming/moaning.  And it was if the two sides were fighting it out inside of him and he was just vocalizing their fight.  It was amazing and really just put chills down my spine and must have put chills down everyone elses spine because the crowd was relatively quiet during this. He didn't say anything to the crowd but last song and walked off the stage immediatly after the song was over. 

This kind of scares me, but for some reason I am getting the feeling that while Kyo LOVES performing and Singing that he is kind of getting tired of doing it with Dir en grey, and I pray that I am wrong but its a feeling I have had for the past few years that has been coming through to me with his music and his performances.  Which really makes me sad cause I love this band so much and I don't want to see them disband. But it seems to me as if Toshiya and Die seem really into the band, Shinya and Kaoru are just going for the ride, and the Kyo is ready to do his own thing.  And when that does happen I will be at the last show, Hell when It comes to that point, I might do some things that I wouldn't be proud of just so I can see the last tour in its entirety, but I honestly really don't want to think about that.  However if I can't see the whole tour I will definately be at the last show before they disband no matter how much money.Also no matter what they do as long as the music is good I will follow them even if they do seperate.   BUT ENOUGH SADNESS (and thoughts of me doing things for money).

Kyo had a hard on for the majority of the show, at first I thought I was imagining things but after I while I realized that I wasn't and that it was pretty impressive.  AND what I found hillarious was that no one in my group wanted to admit to seeing the same thing lol.  I brought it up, and was like this might be crass and I might have just been seeing things but was Kyo sporting a boner?  At that point everyone started laughing and was like I saw it too I just didn't want to say anything in case I was imagining it lol, and that was a topic brought up for the rest of the night lol.

The Crowd- Was nuts there was some serious moshing and crowdsurfing, and one girl kept trying to crowd surf and launch herself to the stage and amost succeeded!  I got kicked in the head by a crowdsurfer and the security guard kept asking me if I was ok, and at one point I was so focused on the band that the security guard shoved my head down (so I wouldn't get kicked again).  My whole body hurts right now, and I am bruised and banged up.

If you bought a copy of the new CD before the show (not after they were not letting you go back and buy one) then you could get it signed, Kaoru and Shinya camed out and signed I said Thank You, Great Show to them Shinya smiled and said Thank You and Kauro just looked at me lol.

I didn't have alot of money so I didn't buy everything, I just bought one of the T-shirts there were 3 designs, the CD which was 15 for the regular (which I bought) 25 for the deluxe which I preordered already.  So yea like WTD I will have 3 copies lol.  A signed U.S copy, My Deluxe U.S copy, and my Japanese Copy that I never cancelled but really should lol.
The show as a whole was not the best show I have seen them.  The Albany show with the Deftones, The Nokia Theatre, Zepp Tokyo during the 2006 winter tour (I forgot the the name) were all fucking awesome, but it was still a very good show.


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November 4th, 2008
11:10 pm

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SWEET!
OBAMA'S GOT THIS!

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